Voices: My dream school was a letdown, and that's OK

University of California, Los Angeles. (Photo Alessandro Sacco)

Staring up at the massive, regal-looking buildings, I knew this was the university I wanted to attend. I was a sophomore in high school on a school trip to southern California. Ten minutes into the first college tour, and I had fallen in love with UCLA.

How could anyone not want to go there? It’s beautiful, has great sports teams, is known for its school spirit, has an excellent academic reputation and is located in west Los Angeles.

Fast-forward two years and it was time to apply to colleges. After swallowing a big reality pill that it was going to be insanely difficult to get into a school that, at the time, only accepted approximately 20% of applicants, I started to consider other schools.

But I still applied to UCLA. There was a little voice in the back of my mind that routinely mused, “What if?”

Spring rolled around, and college acceptance letters were starting to arrive. My phone buzzed one evening, alerting me of a new email. When I realized that it was from UCLA, my heart began to race. I scrambled to click the link and enter my login information.

I had been accepted.

The next month was a blur. I was so elated I had a hard time even putting my excitement into words. All of my friends and family kept telling me how happy they were for me.

When people asked me if I was going to go to accept UCLA’s offer, I kept my answer vague. I said I wasn’t sure yet and was still considering other schools. But, in my heart, I knew. From the second I received the acceptance letter, I knew I was going to attend UCLA.

So I did. That September I packed my things into my mom’s car and was off. I moved into the dorms, met my new roommates and started classes. Everything was great — until it wasn’t.

A couple of months into the school year, I could tell I wasn’t happy. After a few failed attempts at getting involved in on-campus organizations — even getting rejected from a few — I was feeling lost. I was in a new place, with new people and taking intense classes.

I felt myself starting to slip into a depression.

How could this school – my dream school — not be working out for me? How could I let everything I worked so hard for slip further and further away with each passing day to the point that I spent my time hulled up in my dorm room, not wanting to do anything?

By the following spring — one year after I received my acceptance letter — things had not improved. I was now seriously considering transferring.

So I began researching schools. I wanted something smaller and closer to home; something with strong academics and plenty of extracurricular activities.

I found only one school that I really wanted to apply to. So, on a whim, I checked out its website. It was the last day to apply. So, over the course of one hectic day, I managed to complete the application. Then, I hit submit.

The day I received my acceptance to Santa Clara University — where I will be beginning my junior year this fall – was the biggest relief I had experienced in months. When I received my acceptance to UCLA and knew I would attend, I knew the same about Santa Clara.

Photo courtesy of Jenni Sigl

People sometimes ask me if I miss UCLA. The answer is yes but also no.

Yes, I miss a few close friends that I made there. And I certainly don’t miss the impressed looks people gave me when I told them I went there. But I don’t miss being unhappy.

UCLA was my dream school. There is no doubt about it. No one could have convinced me to go elsewhere when the time came for me to make that decision during my senior year of high school.

But after attending the university for one year, I found that it was just too big and too far from home. But I had to go there in order to learn that it wasn’t right for me.

If I could go back and do things differently, would I? Probably not.

The experience taught me more about myself than I could have ever imagined. I learned that this is the time for trial and error; this is the time to get things wrong – that way you know what you need to do in order to make things right.

Choosing a college is tricky. And sometimes, we just don’t get it right the first time.

Big school or small school? Private or public? In state or out of state? With so many options, it’s not surprising that 33% of undergrads transfer schools at least once. Making that kind of decision at 17 or 18 years old is understandably difficult, especially when time, pressure and expectations are thrown into the mix.

College can be the best four years of your life if you find the right school for you. So if you’re at a college you don’t love, consider making a change. And if you’re an incoming college freshman, try not to let your expectations be larger than life.

I got so caught up in preconceived ideas and expectations I had about the school I chose to attend. And when I realized it wasn’t right fit for me, the toughest part of the whole process was letting go of those notions.

But once I did, I was able to find the right place for me and, with it, my happiness again.

Listen to yourself. If you aren’t happy, make the change that you think you need. For me, it gave me a second chance to make the absolute most out of my college experience.